Wednesday, July 23, 2008


For the past couple of days, Soren hasn't been sleeping as late in the morning. Instead of my usual 4-5 hours of snooze time after work, I've been getting more like 2-3. On top of that, the boy's mid-day naps have been reduced from about an hour in length to around 20-30 minutes. It's as if this week he's just suddenly decided he doesn't need as much sleep anymore. To which I can only say...yay.

I don't know if it's just that I'm getting older or what, but I seem to have a hard time if I wake up to a lot of ambient noise. Last night Tom came home early, and I was able to crash for an hour or so while he watched the boy, which was great. He completely deserved to be embraced by a pleasant and grateful wife when he woke me up to go to work. Instead...he got Snarky McSnarkelton. When I woke up, I was still pretty out of it. I came out to the living room where the TV was on, loud, so it could be heard over the humming of the fans, which were also loud. The cat was whining, the baby was fussing, and the end result was this miserable cacophany that wormed its way directly into my brain and made me want to punch a hole in the wall. I went from disoriented to mildly irritated to complete and total raving psycho-bitch in a little more than 5 minutes.

I realize that getting short-tempered from lack of sleep is not in any way unusual. I really dislike, however, the fact that I've been getting so uncontrollably angry over things that truly aren't that big of a deal. I don't want to be that person. I feel like I really ought to be stronger than that. I need to be stronger than that. It's not as though I can reasonably expect to be getting a bunch of sleep or always getting to wake up in relative quiet any time soon. I'm sure I'll adapt eventually, but in the meantime, I regret that I'm far from the most pleasant person to be around. During the week, Tom & I have maybe two hours a day to spend in each other's company, what with out overlapping schedules and all; the last thing I want is to spend that time bitching at him because he wants to unwind from his day with a little TV-watching and the very thought of another Law & Order: SVU episode playing at maximum volume makes me want to hurl my big, blue book of death at the TV. I just haven't figured out how to not become a complete angerball.

At any rate, I have at least managed to get a bit more sleep so far today. And the weekend is just around the corner. Things will improve, soon.


Anonymous said...

I remember and I am so sorry! It is very hard and you deserve to have a decent night's sleep. If just for safety reasons, not to mention you are lactating!
Being superwoman is not all it's cracked up to be. Call in sick and sleep! We love you Susan, hang in there.

Carrie Ann

ml said...

lack of sleep is brutal. is there any sort of affordable day care you can put soren in and work during the day? or any way to only work part time? hope you feel better soon!

susan said...

It's funny how drastically things change from day to day. This morning I got more sleep, and a long-ish nap in the afternoon, so I'm feeling completely fine. I had a nice visit this evening with my friend from San Diego, a nice dinner, and some nice quiet time when I got home, so life's just grand today. I know tomorrow could be crappy again though. It all depends.

The whole reason for my working nights is so we don't have to put Soren in day care. I know that we could (there's a place right around the corner from us that's not too expensive and seems pretty good, though I don't know what kind of waiting list they have), but I just want to avoid it if it's at all possible. And since I'm the one who's anti-day care, I'll make the sleep sacrifices and just try to be less of a bitch. I'd love it if I could work part-time, but that's just not an option. It'll be okay. And it won't be a forever sort of thing.