Saturday, December 20, 2008

Festive Tights

So, today was the company holiday party for the place where I work. Last year I was all excited about being able to bring Tom along and introduce him to everyone. Then I found out they hold the parties in the middle of the day on a Friday, and I was appropriately bummed because he probably wouldn't be able to go in that case.

"Um, you know spouses aren't allowed anyway, right?"
"What?! No, I did not know that. How stupid. What kind of company Christmas party doesn't let you bring your spouse? I thought that was kind of the point."

Au contraire, mis amigos. The story goes, many years ago, the parties were your standard evening events, complete with booze aplenty (or at least, booze enough). However, after too many incidents involving employees' spouses being drunkenly informed of various workplace dalliances, and the ensuing drunken fistfights - "too many" meaning "more than one or two," which seems just absurd...seriously, people, keep it in your freaking pants for god's sake - the new party arrangements were adopted. Middle of the day, employees only, no alcohol. (It's also possible they just decided it had gotten too expensive to feed everyone AND their families, and the claim is that the dusty, way too hot company picnic at the weird dirt ranch in Chatsworth serves the "everyone meet everyone" function. But I digress.)

Anyway, the point is, the holiday party is for employees only. However, as it's held in a hotel ballroom in the middle of the day, I could really only go if I brought Soren along, but I figured it wouldn't be a huge deal. I mean, he's not really mobile yet, so it's not as though he'll run around bothering people. He wouldn't take up an extra chair, not if he's sitting in my lap or being passed around among all the people who want to meet him. He's certainly not going to eat any of the food. Where's the harm? Surely if I just show up with him strapped to my front they will see reason. What are they going to do, turn me away, after I've gotten all dressed up and driven all the way over there?

Alas, that is exactly what they did.

Did I mention the dress code? I didn't. There's a dress code for this party. I had to wear a dress. And since it's been kind of chilly lately, I thought I'd go for tights instead of nylons, since they're a bit thicker. I went to Target and picked out a nice outfit for the boy (since his "fancy clothes" were all in the hamper from earlier this week) and got myself some plain black tights to go with my black dress and black boots. And then I thought about it some more and decided that was kind of a lot of black; I couldn't see any reason not to embrace the holiday season and get myself some festive tights. I still got the black ones, in case I wimped out at the last minute, but I also snagged myself some red ones with silver snowflakes on them. Festive with a capital F, people. So with Soren in his adorable little corduroys and collared plaid shirt and green sweater vest with a train on it, and I in my dress and boots and festive tights, off we went to the Christmas party.

And we were promptly turned away. Well, the first lady tried to turn me away when I went to pick up my name tag and raffle ticket, and then I appealed to a nicer HR lady who said of course Soren could come in, and here is your stuff, and have a lovely time. And then the nicer HR lady's boss (I think he's her boss) let me get about five steps into the ballroom before escorting me right back out.

"Blah blah, precedent, mur mur mur, rules are rules, blabbedy bloo, I'm a big fat meanie head."

(I may have paraphrased that last bit.)

Well fine. I stood outside the door to the ballroom and got my friend M to go in and fetch the people in my department so they could see Soren. I hung out around there for a little while, visiting and taking pictures with people, playing pass the baby. All the same things I would have done had I been allowed inside, with the exception of eating food. (The big fat meanie head offered to have the kitchen make me a plate of food, but I saw very little point in sitting there outside, hunched pathetically over my plate, so I took my festive tights and my son elsewhere.) We got some lunch at a restaurant nearby and then met up with Gram Gram for some pie, since she lives just down the street from where the party was being held. Soren charmed everyone in sight, as usual, behaving like a little angel despite being hauled about for most of the afternoon. We had a lovely visit with Gram Gram, whose necklace Soren found utterly irresistible. And then he slept in the car all the way home.

All's well that ends well, I suppose.

Edited to add:

Here they are. Festive!


heather170 said...

That is the lamest thing I've ever heard!!! (Not letting you into the party, not the tights) Who can resist a baby? Obviously the mean HR department!!!

Gram Gram said...

Well, I had a wonderful time visiting with Soren and you, Susan!! I've been filled with many memories of all those darling smiles Soren passed at and around us while we enjoyed our catch-up time and desert. Soren, you are THE BEST little boy and you were dressed to the "9's" today. I love you, love you, love you. But who could resist you with that winning smile you constantly wear!!! Your Mommie had to be very, very HAPPY all the while she was carring you that nine months. I've heard when the Mommie is happy through her nine months she then delivers a happy baby. If she is sad during that time her baby is a sad, crying baby.

Anonymous said...

I am shocked, stunned and disgusted!!!! I am ashamed to be an HR dare they???? What did they think, that you were from the IRS checking green cards??? WTF....I'm glad you won't be working for these idiots for much longer. Glad that you had such a loving visit with Gran & hugs Yaya and Buddy xoxoxoxoxo

Anonymous said...

Does this all have anything to do with TPS reports ?

Amy said...

Have you seen the "Really?!?" skit on SNL? That's what this all reminds me of...

ml said...

yeah pretty ridiculous. hoping you get that paper work for tjrj's job soon!

susan said...

Heather - I know! Everyone else was so happy to meet him and have him there. Thinking about it after the fact, I should have just snuck him in, with the meanie head none the wiser.

Gram Gram - We had a very nice time visiting with you, too. It's true that Mr. Smiley Face couldn't be much happier or cuter. :)

Yaya - Well, there is some redemption to be had for HRers...I double checked and it turns out that the mean guy wasn't the HR boss after all. He works for "Business Continuity Planning," whatever the hell that is.

Anonymous - I guess I didn't get that memo?

Amy - I almost wrote the post in the style of that sketch. Hehe. That was definitely something I had in mind.

ML - See the next post! :D

MC Squared said...

HR Reports: Bah humbug!

Isabella Aria Henry said...

I need to see the festive tights!!! I'd say more about the HR guy if you hadn't quit already...on to bigger and better!!!!!